Another writer has discovered Tribune ‘s chief innovation officer Lee “The Thinker” Abrams and has concluded he is one chop short of a mixed grill.
Or maybe a music metaphor would be more fitting: a three-string banjo.
Anyway, Lee’s latest (and unreadable) memo is parsed here by P.J. Gladnick.
Frankly I’m shocked that Gladnick read it all. Here’s my favorite interjected line, though:
People of Springfield! Heed this warning. Twisted tail! A thousand eyes! Trapped forever!!
Gladnick says he fears for the newspaper industry if Tribune is depending on Abrams as the chief innovative officer.
No need to worry, P.J. It doesn’t.
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With Abrams as the chief innovation officer, “THE SOUND” for the company’s newspapers could be Goatwhore’s creepy “Funeral Dirge for the Rotting Sun.” Here are some tracks from the album: “Sacrament of Emptiness and Despair” (been there); “Vengeance of Demonic Fury” (not quite there); “Blood Guilt Eucharist” (had a taste of that, I think); “The Serpent That Enslaves What Is Worshiped” (will need a good reference, so I won’t comment); “Chanting Bells of Funeral Anguish” (stopped hearing them after a couple of weeks); “A Closure in Infinity” (for newspapers, is infinity finite?); “Invocation to the Obsidian Moon” (tried praying before the layoffs, but was put on hold); “As the Sun Turns to Ash” (paper’s not called the Sun in my area, but I get the point); “Baptized in a Storm of Swords” (baptized into unemployment, the new religion).
After reading that, I think a more fitting song would be “They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa” by Napoleon XIV.
“Big…open…diverse and powerful. Cerebral and moving…just like the America itself. ”
Struck by sentence fragments. Newspapers without verbs? Just nouns. Plus adjectives. No verbs because not necessary, old school, outdated …
Oh my God…that guy is nuts!
Wow.
Oww. Where’s Advil? Must take. Save noodle. Too early.
Somebody needs an editor. OH, that’s right — they’ve all been laid off.
Gee, good thing HE has a job, though.
… Open the pod door, HAL.